Scout's Motto: Be Prepared

Hey there!

This weekend we went camping at Salamonie Lake as a family! It started out as tent camping, but my father in-law got an RV from his co-worker, which worked out well for camping with 2 and 3 month-old babies. We were so excited to go camping with Dillinger and Juniper for the first time!

This camping trip was slow and peaceful. We did a little bit of hiking and geocaching, but not too much since we had babies with us and it was a little slow going in the morning and between hiking sessions with breastfeeding sessions.

In general, I think that we were prepared enough for our family camping trip. Having the RV helped us not have to dress Dillinger as warmly as we would have if we had tent camped, as the temperatures dropped pretty low on Friday and Saturday. Even in the RV we were a bit chilly and had to cuddle and turn on the furnace.

Here is a list of must-haves for camping with a 2 month-old baby...

1. A white noise machine/a white noise app. We have a portable Bose speaker and Dave played white noise via his cell phone through the Bose all night, which always helps Dillinger sleep soundly. We also brought his Baby B whale that has various white noise options and alternating lights.

2. A baby carrier. Babywearing is a must when hiking with infants. Between my sister in-law and me, we had four carriers/wraps to choose from.

Dave carrying Dill in a Snugli carrier that he borrowed from my sister in-law, which was awesome because Dave isn't a fan of the Tula.

Me carrying Dill in a standard Tula with the infant insert

3. A baby hat...or three. We brought a bonnet, which is lightweight and covers the ears for hiking to prevent as much sunlight as possible from reaching his head. We also packed 2 caps of varying thickness for protecting against the cold.

4. Blankets of varying thicknesses and weights. We only brought two Tula blankets, which are semi-thick bamboo viscose blankets. Our sister in-law graciously shared her fleece blankets with us when it was very cold outside.

Grandpa carrying Dill in his Tula "Oso" blanket

5. A portable, electric breast pump or silicone Haakaa pump, along with storage bottles if you breastfeed. Seriously. I pumped 5.5 ounces just for some relief from engorgement and would have died without these items. I brought both, but only used my Haakaa.

6. A humidifier if you have access to a camper or RV and saline drops/aspirator/chest rub. The weather was dry, so poor Dill was miserable with a stuffy nose. We used the Nose Frida Snot Sucker, the Oogie Boogie, Little Remedies Saline Drops, and Zarbee's chest rub.

7. A stroller. Walks with these helped calm the babies down when they were fussy.

Asleep in our Uppababy Cruz stroller

8. Fleece pajamas. Dill stayed toasty in his Halo sleep sack.

9. A camera to document those special camping moments.

10. A camping journal so that each trip can be recorded for baby to look back on. We don't have one yet, but Dave wants to find one and we'll record the date, place we camped, who was with us, what we did, etc.

That's my list of items that helped us have an enjoyable camping trip or that we will use in the future for a better camping experience. Let me know if you have any other ideas, as we plan on camping a lot with our babe.

Dillinger in his camping themed diaper from Honest Company

XOXO,
Lauren

Anticipatory Grief and What Not to Say

Good Morning!

I'm sitting here on this Wednesday morning thinking about last night and many nights prior, where I am nursing my babe after he refuses to take the bottle and I start to become anxious about him not being able to nurse on demand as he has been when I go back to work. I start thinking of his furious suckles on his fingers and his desperate mouth movements and me not being able to fulfill his needs. I think about him being introduced the bottle by the sitters and him crying for hours until he falls asleep, not even being fed or satisfied. I know that he may take the bottle immediately from the sitters when I'm at work, but I also know that there are some babies who never take a bottle. I'm completely fine with going to where he is on lunch to feed him. I wouldn't even consider it a burden and I wouldn't be able to NOT do it. But just knowing that he's not being fed the way he has been absolutely kills me.

I then spiral into many other feelings. Feelings of regret of not having a planned child where I could plan to stay at home or have a part-time job or have more money saved. Feelings of jealousy of the people who do get to watch him while I'm gone and all of the mothers and fathers who get to stay home with their children, as hard as it can be at times. I feel heartbreak over the milestones I may miss. I'm feeling anxious about the coworkers and clients who will innocently ask how I'm dong and how the baby is doing and I will start to cry. And I feel anger towards everyone who has tried to or has unknowingly minimalized my pain and feelings. Finally, I have feelings of anger and bitterness towards our government which has poor maternity and paternity leave for its citizens (I'm going to find how to advocate for better maternity and paternity leave in our country ASAP). Twelve weeks has been a blessing, but it is not long enough for mothers to heal physically, for fathers to be able to bond with their babies, especially if they're not bottle fed yet, or for children and mothers to have a regulated breastfed relationship. So many moms quit breastfeeding early because it is HARD. If the World Health Organization, UNICEF, and the  CDC recommend breastfeeding for up to 1 year, then how does the government expect moms to be successful with poor maternity leave practices?! I don't know how people handle it when they don't get the option to take a leave or who only get the amount approved by FMLA (6 weeks if a vaginal birth, 8 weeks if C-section). I am eternally grateful for being able to take 12 weeks, but it is still not enough, in my opinion.

And yes, the past month I have sounded like a broken record, but at the end of the day, this is not a joke to me. This is not something I take lightly. This is his nutrition, his comfort, his pain relief, and his health. And because I have been anxious about this, so many people have subconsciously minimalized this grief of mine and I want to give advice on what not to say to mothers who are going through this major transition and who are grieving an impending loss of this 24/7 caregiving role.

I carried this baby for 9 months, awaiting his arrival like it was the only thing that mattered. I birthed him and went through the scariest pain I've ever experienced to get him here, blacking out from the effort and blood it took to get him earthside. I've literally been every hour of his life since July 6. This is not going to be easy, which every mother knows. But even as fellow mothers, we don't just LISTEN when someone is hurting about this. There is always unsolicited advice, generic comments, and sarcastic jokes about how other mothers survived. This is not reassuring, to be honest and it feels like nails on the chalkboard of my brain. I'm going to support groups, I have a therapist, I'm talking with loved ones about how I feel, I'm taking care of myself the best I can and this still is not going to be made easier by sayings. I just need people to listen to me and acknowledge that yes, this is going to be incredibly difficult.

So please, when you encounter a mother who is going back to work try to be aware of your words.

Don't tell her she's just being anxious and it will be all right. Yes, we know it will be all right, but we cannot control the anxiety we feel. And I don't think we have to as long as we're able to function in other realms healthily. We are allowed to feel this.

Don't tell her that other moms have done this and they survived. No shit. I'm not saying that I'm better than any other mom and I deserve preferential treatment for my child. This fact STILL does not make this transition any easier.

Don't tell her that she should just enjoy the current moment and not think the future. That's utterly impossible. I feel like until I'm dead I will always think about the future and how it will impact my family. Of course I'm enjoying every second of being with him, but I cannot avoid the future.

Don't tell moms and dads REPEATEDLY that it will get better. Well I would hope so or I think all moms and dads would go berserk.

I just need a sounding board. And it's hard to just listen, I know. But at this point I don't need advice, wise words, or generic phrases. I know everything there is to expect and know about going back to work. I just need people to be there for me and just listen when I can't fathom doing it. People who can say, "I can tell you're hurting and that's understandable."

Thanks,

Lauren

Getting Our Footing on This Parenting Thing

Good Evening!

I hope that your weekend has been good to you and that you're doing things that refresh you for the upcoming week.

This weekend has been incredibly fun so far, and tomorrow seems as though it's going to be eventful as well.

Yesterday I really took time to cuddle and nap with my baby boy. I'm definitely feeling the clock ticking for when I have to go back to work full time and whereas before I wasn't able to nap or I would be online or do chores while he napped, now I'm cuddling him and feeding him until we both fall asleep. I am going to miss those midday cuddles more than I can even explain.

Side lying feedings have truly been a godsend and I understand why so many mamas recommended it to me! I feel way less strain on my back and wrists when I mostly feed on my side throughout the day, so feeding him with the My Brest Friend pillow during our 1-2 feeds at night aren't so bad. If you're new to breastfeeding or you've never tried the side lying position, here's a video on how to do it. Video does show a real baby/breasts, so don't be surprised...it's a breastfeeding video.

Today we went to the Grassroots Baby Store cloth diaper re-sale. It's a quarterly sale for cloth diapers and accessories. My sister in-law, nephew, and niece met me there and we had a great time sorting through the items. I purchased: 2 all-in-one diapers (AIO's) by GroVia and Thirsties, 2 pair of baby leggings, a set containing lanolin, emulsifying tablets, and lanolin-infused wool wash for when I start wool cloth diapering (It was only $10 for the set and I almost had a heart attack from happiness!), a Grassroots Baby decal, a diaper pail liner for our second diaper pail, and 3 GroVia bamboo cotton pre-folds in size infant long, as Dillinger is starting to outgrow his small Imagine pre-folds.

The longer I cloth diaper, the more I realize that I like all types of cloth diapers, but my favorites in order are: AIO's, AI2's/hybrids, pockets, and covers/pre-folds or flats. I do enjoy my Blueberry and Best Bottoms covers for their double gussets, so I'm going to try to use them more frequently.

At Grassroots I saw my friend Tatyanna, who is pregnant with her first babe. I am so excited for her and her husband as they embark on this journey together. I'm so proud of them for cloth diapering! She said she saw my post sharing the Grassroots Baby cloth diapering 101 class and decided to go with her husband who wasn't too sure about cloth, but after the course he agreed to do it. Too awesome!

After the resale, I went to Conjure Coffee and had an iced Americano and an Elvis donut by Hetty Arts Pastry. It was divine, composed of peanut butter and banana filling and crumbled bacon on top. I give it 5 out of 5 stars. Dillinger started to fuss, so we went home until Dave returned from a long day of disc golf.

Once Dave showered and baby was fed, we went to Potbelly Sandwich Shop for dinner. We are obsessed with their hot peppers! We want Pint n' Slice to put some of those peppers on a pizza one day haha. Dillinger fed at Potbelly until he fell asleep, but once he was in that car seat he was awake and upset. He truly hates his car seat even though the car seat toys do help some.

Following dinner we went to Target to return the NUK Simply Natural bottle I purchased yesterday because I picked out the wrong flow on accident. We're trying these bottles that are shaped more like a nipple and have multiple holes to mimic breastfeeding because Dillinger has been rejecting the bottle the past few days. He took the bottle 3 days in a row and then refused it at least 5 times. I'm starting to feel intense anxiety related to being his sole source of food right now, especially a month out from having to return to work. I also feel anxiety related to being his main source of comfort and bonding. I want so badly for others to be able to bond by feeding him and I want him to feel comfortable cuddling with his daddy and become more familiar with his family members. I know that he's young and this will eventually happen, but it feels like a lot of pressure being his entire ecosystem right now.

At Target we also found gifts for baby Evelyn who is turning 1 year old next month and my father in-law who had his birthday this past week. Going through the girls section always makes us want a girl so badly. Dave and I always end up picking up at least one article of clothing for Dillinger whenever we go to a big box store, so if we have twin girls next as everyone predicts, we'll be in double trouble.

After our trip to the store, we came home and gave Dill a bath with Honest Company 'dreamy lavender' shampoo and body wash because he was so upset despite feeding at Target as well. I think he's growing and he has a "goopy eye," which has to be irritating to an extent, so he's been comfort feeding. I've been treating his eye with breastmilk and warm compresses. After his bath we let him air out on the bed with a towel under him and over his bottom. He's definitely not my little babe any more! I then rubbed 'dreamy lavender' lotion on him, put on a fresh diaper, and put on a baby nightgown. I fed him until he fell asleep and then we took him on a walk in the fresh air. He's still asleep, so I think we did good. It feels like we finally know what to do for him whenever he's upset in most cases, which makes me happy for him because I hate when he's upset!

L: Dillinger at nearly 2 months (12lbs 10oz as of 08/22)

R: Dillinger the day he was born (7lbs 5oz)

Tomorrow we're going to the Mizpah Shrine Fly-In breakfast at the Fort Wayne International Airport with my family. You can learn more about the event here. After that we'll be having lunch with Dave's side of the family, so we are excited to see everyone and eat delicious foods.

What are you all doing this weekend?

XOXO

Lauren

Teamwork

Hey there!

Happy Hump Day, everyone! I hope your day has been as great as mine has been. I got some new cloth diapers and wet bags from Grassroots Baby Store, http://bestbottomdiapers.com, and http://www.diaperjunction.com/, drank delicious coffee from Old Crown, then took babe on a walk around the neighborhood. I love supporting local businesses!

In addition to having fun with my babe, I've learned about wool cloth diapering from this blog: http://themindfulhome.blogspot.com/2013/08/cloth-diapering-with-wool-everything.html. I would go into detail, but honestly this blogger does such a great job going into it! Check it out if you want to learn more. I think that this weekend a friend and I are going to go on the hunt for wool items at thrift stores to make our own woolen cloth diapers if possible.

Today I'm also thinking about how Dave and I will be married for two years this upcoming Tuesday. How is this real life?! I feel like we just got married yesterday!

So far for our anniversary we are thinking about going to Brava's for dinner since Bo catered our wedding  and people like to say that was their favorite part of our wedding...thanks, ya'll haha.

For Dave's gift, I purchased a backpack-style Eddie Bauer diaper bag from Target and it honestly feels like I gifted myself as well because it is amazing having my hands free of diaper bag when I'm lugging around a car seat. It also has stroller straps, which now lets us have all of the basket space under the stroller free from diaper bag items.

I'm unsure if Dave has gotten me a material gift yet and I don't expect one, but he has already given me the best gift I've ever been given - my baby Dill.

I had to

Dave has seriously been my rock through pregnancy and parenthood thus far. Before Dillinger was born, he probably could have shaken me to death multiple times between me not wanting to eat Mexican food EVER, my emotional breakdowns that led to me crying on the floor, and ordering food then not wanting it the second it came to the table because it didn't sound edible any more.

He probably wants to shush me every time the hormones take over and I bawl like a baby because sometimes I'm just so exhausted, overwhelmed, and hormonal and every single milestone and difficulty feels so BIG. But he just reassures me and helps me every step of the way. He walked parks, our neighborhood, a nature preserve, the mall, and the hospital halls with me to get this baby out. He was there for every contraction and reminded me to stay calm when I was in the worst pain of my life (pushing all-natural was terrifying as hell.) He cut the cord and swaddled our babe while I was being taken care of after birth. He drove home twice a day while I was in the hospital to take care of the pets and bring me extra clothes.

Since the birth he has brought home dinner more times than I can count, handed me everything I need when I'm glued to the couch or bed breastfeeding, has ordered me breast shells and batteries for the baby's white noise machine without asking, has taken turns with me rocking our screaming baby to sleep, and he has been so amazingly fun to tag team parenting with wherever we go.

Teamwork is the most important part of rearing a child. It's not always easy or pretty, especially when you aren't sure what your baby needs in the beginning. It's sometimes scary and messy (milk, pee, poop, spit up everywhere). But every day you get through it and by the next morning you are so excited to do it all over again.

Teamwork is what has gotten us through the last four years and 1 month of being together.

Teamwork has gotten us through nearly 2 years of marriage.

Teamwork is what will get us through all of the hard and/or beautiful times to come.

Love you, Dave

XOXO,

Lauren

Crying Over Milk

Hello ya'll!

The past few days have been raw, emotional, difficult parenting. Dill turns 7 weeks old on Thursday and this is definitely the hardest week ever.

I've been struggling with oversupply issues since Friday that cause my letdown to spray fast, which causes him to choke and cry when I feed him on my left side. This has also led to a slight foremilk/hindmilk imbalance a little bit because he's had increased green stools, fussiness, spit up, etc. I've tried feeding him in saddle and laid back positions, but his neck is pretty flimsy still and he freaks out when he's in those positions. Side-lying position usually does the trick, but sometimes even that is not enough for him to eat without choking. I've tried hand expressing into a burp rag, but it isn't enough. I've emailed La Leche League and they've told me to do the things listed above, so I know I'm onto the right track, but let me tell you that watching your baby cry, choke, spit up, and fight eating is heartbreaking and it makes you feel like a failure. My only job right now is to keep my baby alive and when that feels difficult to do, it makes you want to crawl into a hole and pull your hair out. The hormones that go along with breastfeeding and the bond between you and your baby make you feel so emotional when the slightest hiccup occurs. I never really knew that this bond would be so painful and beautiful at the same time.

Today I texted my friend Norah who has successfully breastfed her baby for over a year and she helped me calm down. My mom also was a huge support today when she came to visit for the afternoon. I expressed about an ounce off of each side before Dill's last feeding with my Haakaa and put that into a bottle. Dave got the baby up once he woke up and fed him the 2 ounces from the bottle and then I fed Dill on both sides. I was so elated I cried out of happiness. After his feeds he went to sleep and has been asleep for nearly 2 hours. I have been so anxious about the bottle because we haven't introduced it in 4 days. Thankfully, he's eaten 2 ounces from a bottle twice now and has sipped from a bottle a third time. We just need to keep it up and he'll be drinking from a bottle without hesitation in no time.

Tomorrow I'm going to Dupont's breastfeeding support group to see if they have any other suggestions and to have him weighed. I hope baby is at least 12lbs now! Missing last Tuesday's support group was a bummer because I love seeing his growth progress. The La Leche League's support group on Thursday was very nice and informative, but they do not do weight checks.

Overall, I know my baby is healthy because of his diapers and weight gain. I know that we'll overcome this bump in the road. Luckily, we don't have to go it alone thanks to friends and family who have been there for me through all of the texts, crying, and questions.

If you're struggling with any aspect of breastfeeding, don't hesitate to reach out to a support group, friend, family member, etc.

Love,
Lauren

A Bottle of the House White

Howdy!

As most of you may know, I am exclusively breastfeeding my little babe, which has been an amazing experience for us thus far. I completely love the bonding and feeling so needed to help him grow and thrive. In order to help prepare for when I go back to work, however, we must introduce Dill to the bottle.

We waited until Dill was over 5 weeks old to introduce the bottle to prevent "nipple confusion." Not everyone can do this if they have 6 weeks or less of maternity leave, but I just personally wanted to in order to be safe. Dill has never taken to pacifiers, so I was incredibly nervous that he would outright refuse a bottle at first.  

On Sunday, I expressed 3 ounces of milk and put it in the fridge for when Dave was going to introduce the bottle to Dillinger. Dave was going to introduce the bottle, as babies will sometimes refuse the bottle from their mothers, as they know mom has the real thing.  I fed Dill and then Dave warmed the bottle when the time came and Dillinger sucked a little bit, but ultimately refused the bottle. Our goal was to introduce the bottle at least once per day until I went back to work, so we were not too worried. We saved the leftover milk for his bath time since we could not use it for later. On Sunday we did the same thing, but I only expressed one ounce, as to not waste so much milk. Dill drank a little bit, but again, refused from Dave. I tried to give him the bottle and Dill drank most of it, but could not seem to get the last bit out of the nipple. It felt so heartbreaking watching him drink from the bottle that I bawled the entire time he was feeding. Yes, bottles mean freedom for the mother and the ability to allow others to bond and feed with baby, but all I could think of was that he doesn't need just me to survive any longer and he's getting too damn big too damn fast. I know that in the future I will be thankful for bottles so that I can run errands or go out with friends without having to bring the baby, but right now, it's too sad to think about.

Today, we introduced the bottle and he drank 2 ounces between pauses! We started with the Como Tomo silicone bottle, which he does well with, but the nipple is long and he cannot get the last of the milk out. I like the feeling and thinness of this nipple, however. He had less than an ounce left at the end of the bottle, so I put it in the Philips Avent glass bottle that we have. He drank from it, but did not love it. I think that rubber nipple was too fake and thick feeling for him. Finally, after a pause, I put the milk in our Born Free Breeze glass bottle, as it has a shorter, thinner nipple. He drank the rest of the milk, no problem! I am so proud today instead of just sad. He's just amazing and I couldn't be happier to be his mommy.

Philips Avent glass 4oz bottle

We're jut going to continue giving the bottle once per day until he's not showing uncertainty about it and then we may be able to go on a date night and trust that he'll be able to eat appropriately.

Como Tomo silicone 5oz bottle

I am following paced bottle feeding tips, as found on Kellymom.com. I love that website! http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ 

There is even a PDF that you can print off for babysitters/caregivers to learn paced bottle feeding to ensure the breastfeeding relationship is still strong despite the bottle feedings that baby is receiving each day.

Born Free Breeze 5 oz bottle

More to come,

Lauren

Friendship

Good Evening!

Today I'm feeling grateful for the amazing friendships in my life. I'm not mentioning family because family is even more special and that doesn't truly change with kids, it just gets better. They say that having kids changes everything in your social life, but one thing that has not been impacted thus far is the strong bond I have with my friends.

Since Dill has been born I've had friends visit the hospital, I've received thoughtful text messages/Instagram messages/Facebook messages, I've had much-needed home visits and coffee deliveries that kept me from feeling stir-crazy, we traveled to Indy and spent the night with my best friend, I've met up for coffee and meals with multiple people, and I've strolled around Shoaff Park with a few friends and their babes. Friends have even dropped off boxes and totes of free baby clothes and goods...they are still making sure we have what we need, which is much-appreciated!

I am still continuing to make plans while on my leave and I am so appreciative of those friends who have decided to stay close despite my new sidekick. I never really doubted any of you.

Dill will be able to grow up around amazing adults and their babies and their future babies, which means the world to me.

Don't let being a parent change your social life. Kids are portable and true friends will wait for you in a sitting area while you breastfeed between stores, will stand and talk with you in the handicap stall as you change a poopy diaper, and will not blink an eye if your kid is having a meltdown in a Women's Fair Trade store.

Thank you to all of you who prove time and time again what true friendship looks like.

Just a Few Examples of Lovely Friends

Love,

Lauren

Mind. Body. Soul.

Good Afternoon!

The weekend of August 4-6 was so fun and I'm sad that it is over. The end of the weekend means Dave has to return to work and he's on mandatory overtime. We went to Indianapolis and visited some of our favorite people. Dillinger slept the entire trip to Indy like a champ. On Saturday we went to Allysa and Chris' new home. It's so adorable and their home décor was absolutely perfect. 

All of us went to dinner at Fire By the Monon after catching up at the house for a while. Dave and I shared two appetizers: pulled pork macaroni and cheese and pulled pork nachos lol. In addition, I had a side salad and a Damascene Apricot Sour Ale by Tin Man Brewing Company. Dillinger did such a good job while Dave wore him in the Happy Baby Carriers wrap.

After dinner we returned to Allysa's home and talked for a while before heading to bed. It was the perfect night of catching up with beautiful people.

On Sunday we left Allysa's and met up with our cousins Valerie and Bennett for bagels at Ripple Bagel & Deli in Broadripple. That place is a MUST every time we visit Indy. I had the Gagagabor with gouda instead of cheddar on a jalapeno bagel. Dave had the Indy 500 on an apple bagel. We were feeling adventurous. Valerie and Bennett are the sweetest souls and we had a great time catching up and talking parenthood. Bennett just gets bigger and more intelligent every time we see him. Next, we went to Three Dog Indy and bought Chopper dog popcorn (basically popcorn without kernels), a hot dog shaped treat, a "woofie pie", and a dog donut. He's super spoiled.

After shopping around, Dave and I split from Val and Bennett and went to REI to visit Val's wife and our other cousin, Michelle. Dave walked in and immediately said, "I could live here." We were there for around 1.5 hours and found a few items that we liked. It was so nice to see Michelle and show Dillinger to her as well.

Finally, we went to Trader Joe's and stoked up on foods we can't find in Fort Wayne. I could live there.

After returning to Fort Wayne, we went to Dave's parents' home for a birthday dinner for Dave. He turned 28 years old yesterday! Dave's mom made a delicious dinner of basked ziti, garlic bread, Casa's salad, and cheesecake. It was so nice to see his family. Little Juniper was asleep most of the evening and Dillinger was a grumpy Gus.

Overall, it was the perfect, chill weekend where we were around people and places we adore. Dillinger is completely portable and I can't wait to do more weekend trips with my love.

In the car on the way home I texted Valerie asking if she knew of any good counselors in Fort Wayne. She gave me the name of one she likes and gave me the website https://www.psychologytoday.com/. I've honestly been interested in seeing a counselor for years, but the cost and the thought, "What will I even talk about?" when so much causes me to feel anxious kept me from following through. However, now that my societal role, my relationship with Dave, my body, my priorities in life, and my goals have changed I feel the strong need to see a professional to navigate everything. I also feel the need to talk with a professional about how to manage my emotions returning to work and not having many options to work part time or to stay at home in the future due to insurance and student loans. I've emailed a therapist to set up a consultation.

Another huge milestone in my parenting journey is that I pumped for the first time! I made it a goal to start August 7th because Dillinger just turned a month old on the 6th and that will give us 8 whole weeks to create a stockpile of milk and introduce a bottle to Dillinger. It would be nice to have more freedom to let Dave feed the baby or to travel in an easier manner. Just from pumping after feeding Dillinger on just the left side I produced a little over 1.5 ounces of milk, which is amazing! I love the Spectra S2 Plus pump and how gentle it is. I had no pain or discomfort at all. From pumping Dillinger on the right and left side I produced a little over 1.5 ounces of milk as well. I think I tried to pump too soon after feeding Dillinger, so I'm going to try to wait a full 30 minutes or more after his feeds to pump. My left breast is definitely my top producer! I would definitely recommend using a nipple cream before pumping to prevent any soreness.

More updates to come! Have a great night, ya'll!

XOXO,

Lauren

Happy Times

Good Evening!

This week has come and gone quickly. Dave and I have been having a great time being new parents, despite the random 2 hours Dillinger enjoys being awake in the early morning hours. Last night it was 3:00-5:00AM and Thursday it was from 2:00-4:00AM. Those moments are always frustrating because he's fed, his diaper is clean, and he's not too hot/too cold. He just wants to be awake and after a while of being awake, he becomes overtired and upset. We have to take turns rocking him until he passes out again. I cried last night for the first time in forever! Nevertheless, we wouldn't trade being parents for anything and enjoy watching him grow each day.

Yesterday we received our newborn photos that were done by Bambi Guthrie Photography! Bambi has photographed our engagement, wedding, maternity, and newborn photos. The photos are perfect and are so special to us since Dill definitely does not look like this anymore. To be honest, I was nervous about them because I was 10 days post partum and I felt so out of my body. I felt frumpy in my clothes that fit differently, but the photos turned out amazingly! Just look at them. Dillinger is too damn cute!

Check Bambi out:

https://www.facebook.com/bambiguthriephoto 

https://www.instagram.com/bambiguthriephoto/

Today I started out the day with coffee at Conjure Coffee. I met up with Adrienne and her little one, Saylor. I purchased an iced decaf Americano and a cherry muffin, which were divine. Their coffee is always delicious and I'm bummed that I just bought decaf because I want to buy a pound of theirs! Watching Saylor made me so excited to see Dillinger continue to grow and turn into an eventual 13 month-old. I don't want to rush it, but it's exciting to look forward to. It is so nice to have meals or meet up with people who are easy to talk to! It was a great start to my day.

Dillinger Sleeping at Conjure

After Dave came home, we went to Bo Gonzalez's birthday bash at the Big Apple Pizza. Big Apple needs a new motor for their business, so the birthday bash was to help raise money to fund this need. Dave and I got tacos and hotdogs from Bravas. The LETSdog was delicious- made with herbed cream cheese, homemade everything bagel seasoning, and peppers. I also had the chorizo taco made with a refreshing jicama slaw. I hope that Big Apple receives enough funds to help them purchase a new motor and I hope Bo feels all of the birthday love!

Dillinger on the way to Big Apple

Now that I think of it, I went to South Side High School with both Cody Troup of Conjure Coffee and Bo Gonzalez of Brava's. I'm so proud of how far they have come and how they're following their dreams!

The LETSdog

Tomorrow I plan on going to the Big Latch On at Parview Regional's Family Park tomorrow morning. There will be water and food available, swag bags for the first 50 moms present, a raffle, photography, education on how to breastfeed while babywearing, and the opportunity to meet new moms. Dave has mandatory overtime at work, so I think it would be fun to do in his absence. This depends on how exhausted I am in the morning, however, because I'm sure Dillinger will want to wake up at some point.

After that, Dave and I will be visiting my best friend Allysa and her boyfriend Chris in their new home for the weekend. I'm a little nervous about traveling with cloth diapers, as he seems to be so skinny that most are leaking on us. It's also intimidating packing 16 bulky cloth diapers for one day, but he will definitely go through them. Our goal is to spend time with Allysa, go to Ripple Bagel Deli, and shop at Trader Joe's.

On Sunday Dave turns 28 years old and it marks 4 years since Dave asked me to "go steady" with him at a Tin Caps game. He's my favorite and I hope he has a special day full of love. Four years later and I still would choose him every time. Dillinger will also be turning 1 month old on Sunday, which is too hard to think about right now. Babe is growing so fast!

Looking forward, my goal is to begin pumping on Monday. I wanted to wait until after our trip to Indy because I don't want to be pumping in a strange environment. I can't wait to start building a breastmilk stash and to have some more freedom by introducing the bottle. If you have any tips on introducing the bottle to a breastfed baby, let me know. I've been using resources like http://kellymom.com/ and http://workandpump.com/ for reference as well. The thought of introducing a bottle makes me want to cry because breastfeeding is our time to bond and I have anxiety about him not taking a bottle, but I know it will be okay in the long run. As a mom, all of these little milestones feel so huge, emotional, and overwhelming. Looking back, I know I'll laugh.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

-Lauren

How I Prepared for Maternity Leave

Hello there!

Today's blog is for those pregnant mamas who may be nesting their faces off or just wondering what they can do to get one step ahead after baby is born. I will discuss how Dave and I prepared for my 12 week maternity leave. Taking 12 weeks was not going to be easy financially, but I wanted to take 12 weeks of time to be with my mini me because I have no idea what I'm doing!

The first thing that Dave and I did before I went onto leave was stock up on toiletries, snacks, and household products that we use often. For us that included: toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, dish soap, canned goods, dry goods, and snacks. I knew that I didn't want to go to the store right after having a baby and I didn't want Dave to have to worry about everything after the baby was born.

With inspiration from Pinterest, I made 11 smoothie packs and 9 crockpot meals, which I stored in the freezer. I chose recipes that had cheap ingredients and tried to prepare as many vegetarian dishes as possible. I also froze chicken breasts with olive oil and spices so that all we had to do was throw them in the oven or on the grill for an easy meal. Finally, we purchased 3 frozen pizzas, froze various pre-cooked sausages, and froze pre-made cheese tortellini for those days that even turning on the crockpot seemed hard. I also made sure we had frozen vegetables and shredded cheese so that we could add them to meals.

 Above: Freezer crockpot meals

Below: Smoothie packs before and after. Yogurt is in the ice cube trays.

Aside from food and home goods, I prepared "padsicles" made from super absorbent pads, witch hazel with aloe, and tea tree essential oil. You can find various instructions for these online. Some other products that I stocked up on included: 1 package of Tuck's pads, 1 can of Dermoplast pain relief spray (buy the blue canister, as the red reportedly burns), adult wet wipes, a package of combs to be used to be squeezed in the palms during labor for pain relief, tennis balls to be used during labor for massaging the lower back and hips, and stool softeners. I did not end up using the tennis balls or combs, but they are great pain management aides recommended by the doula that taught our birth class! After I had Dillinger, I used the padsicles, wet wipes, Dermoplast spray, and stool softeners daily. There is a ton of vaginal bleeding and swelling, so these products are a must. In addition to stool softeners, I ate prunes daily, which helped my first bowel movement after delivery be pain-free. I didn't really use the Tuck's pads because I did not get hemorrhoids, but that is a common issue many pregnant women suffer from after childbirth, so you may want to pick up a container just in case. The hospital provides you with a container of Tuck's pads, multiple sanitary pads that you snap in half and they turn into cold freezer pads, multiple pair of mesh underwear, 2 packages of normal sanitary pads, and a few peri bottles. You could probably get more if you ask the nurses.

Thankfully for me, I was nesting for a long time before baby came. I cleaned the entire house the best I could and I even labeled the cabinets with what was inside of them in case I had a C-Section and needed more assistance with cooking and cleaning. I would recommend cleaning up as much as possible before baby arrives because after the baby is here, it is hard to have the energy or time to clean more than dishes and laundry. Dave also put the crock pot on the countertop from the tall kitchen rack so that it would be readily available for the freezer meals.

What I wish I knew to stock up on before maternity leave:

If you did not get gripe water, a humidifier, a nasal aspirator (we adore the Nose Frida), or saline nose drops at your baby shower, then I recommend getting some. We have had to use the aspirator, humidifier, and saline drops almost daily and we've used gripe water by Little Remedies multiple times for gas and hiccups.  I also purchased Calm a Kid Sleep Drops at Grassroots Baby to help calm Dillinger down at night, since he's been fighting sleep. Lavender baby lotion and bedtime shampoo/body wash are helpful for bath time as well.

You will bleed for a long time after having the baby. I bled for around 26 days and had to buy 2 extra packages of sanitary pads, in addition to the pads I made and the ones that the hospital gave me.

You will need more high-protein snacks than you think because if you breastfeed, you will burn 300-500 calories per day just from that!

You may want more than one small package of newborn diapers, which is all that we had. We highly underestimated how long Dillinger would be in newborn-sized diapers.

Thanks for reading and good luck on your future births. If you're not a parent and are just reading for fun, thanks for taking the time :). Go online for more inspiration for how to prepare for maternity leave so that you're not wasting precious time at the store!

Best,
Lauren

World Breastfeeding Week

Hey there!

Today is World Breastfeeding Week! This was organized by United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF), World Health Organization (WHO), and World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) to advocate for exclusive breastfeeding for at least the first 6 months of baby's life (http://www.ilca.org/global-health/world-breastfeeding-week). The first World Breastfeeding Week was celebrated in 1992, but this is the first time I've heard about! So exciting!

Today I just want to talk about my breastfeeding struggles and successes to date.

When Dillinger was born he was plopped onto my chest and he immediately began rooting, searching for the breast to nurse like a champ. It was hard to get him to latch at first and the nurse said I had "flat nipples." So far, that hasn't been an issue for feeds.That night Dillinger did not nurse because he was spitting up amniotic fluid, which worried me.

By day two my milk came in and I was severely engorged, but I had no idea what that entailed. I thought I was failing at breastfeeding because it hurt and my breast tissue was hard as a rock. The nurse and 2 lactation consultants told me that the positioning and latch looked great and that I had nothing to worry about, but I still had concerns because of how much it hurt. I asked for a lactation consultant and the nurse each shift and no one gave me any real advice. They would just watch him feed or a second and say it looked great. The last lactation consultant came in and finally explained to me that I was engorged  because my milk had came in and I was no longer producing solely colostrum, which was why latching was difficult. She educated me on reverse pressure softening, cabbage leaves for temporary cooling relief, warm moist compresses before feeds, ibuprofen for pain relief, and cool compresses after feeds. This lactation consultant was so encouraging and told me, "You're killing it and you don't even know it." She also encouraged me to go to the breastfeeding support group at Dupont that is held on Tuesdays from 1:00-2:30PM. The hospital hooked me up with Lansinoh nipple cream and Ameda gel nipple pads, which I hated because I had to wash my breasts before each feed, which no one has time for.


Once I was home breastfeeding became easier, but I still had major engorgement issues and would leak through all of my clothes and nipple pads. Dave made many Google searches trying to help me with my pain and discomfort related to engorgement. He bought me Medela Therashells, which work great, but leak terribly. If they didn't leak, they'd be an A+ in my book at relieving engorgement and  helping me start my breastmilk freezer stash. Between the Therashells and my Haakaa hand pump to take off some of the pressure and milk, I ended up freezing 12 oz of milk from. Thankfully, Dillinger has helped my breastmilk regulate and I rarely leak any more and rarely have major engorgement where my breasts are in serious pain. I can only sleep on my back, however, or else I'll leak all over the bed. Latching was painful for quite a while, but that has  become easier with time. There was one day where I thought Dillinger was regressing because he'd start nursing, cry, and then unlatch, but I realized that I was trying to feed him when he didn't want to be fed, he just wanted to be rocked to sleep and was fighting sleep. It took me a while to realize that he may not want the breast at all times when he is crying. Dillinger has also become more efficient, nursing for shorter periods of time, but we're still getting up every 2-3 hours to nurse, which is typical.

Nursing has been one of the best things ever for bonding between me and my babe. I love watching him feed and fall asleep slowly. I love the little sounds he makes as he feeds. It's just the best experience ever. I honestly dread introducing the bottle and going back to work, but I know our nursing sessions will be that much more special before and after work and on the weekends. It was difficult at first and I cried many, many nights before I learned that just because he's making sounds, it doesn't mean he's hungry. I've had to learn his cues and it's getting better each day.

So far I have nursed at Culver's twice, Red Robin once, and in front of many friends and family members. I'm feeding my babe and have no shame about it. I feed with a cover and I've even brought in my nursing pillow into Culver's! If you nurse, where have you nursed that has been accommodating, outwardly kind and accepting? It's a shame we have to worry about people becoming upset with nursing mothers. Just remember that as cited on the CDC website, "State laws protect public breastfeeding by expressly stating a woman has a right to breastfeed in public or by specifying that the act of breastfeeding is not indecent exposure" (www.cdc.gov/phlp/winnable/breastfeeding.html)

Today I went to my first breastfeeding support group at Dupont, which I was nervous about. I was thankfully surprised by how chill it was. At the beginning of the group, one lactation consultant wished us a happy Wold Breastfeeding Week and encouraged us to breast feed, especially in public, to encourage other people to do the same. We were also given free Bamboobies breast pads. There were probably over 20 of us in one of the Resource Center rooms seated in a circle. Some moms were seated on the floor, whereas many of us sat on the provided folding chairs with Boppy pillows or other forms of support. One mom brought unopened formula and bottles to give to whoever may need it. Some women were covered and some were uncovered. I felt comfortable being uncovered, which I was unsure if I would be. The babies present ranged from a few days old to 6 months old. There were 4 lactation consultants present, and they were very encouraging and supportive of what each of our goals were. Some moms talked about supplementing with formula or exclusively pumping and the LC's just wanted to know if the moms were happy and comfortable with where they were and if they wanted other options. If they were happy, they congratulated them on the time they were breastfeeding. The advice not only came from the LC's, but also from the moms in the room, which was valuable.

For the free weight check, you have to get your baby naked down to the diaper and make sure it is a fresh diaper. Next, you weigh your baby. Then you feed your baby. Finally, you weigh your baby to see how much they ate. Dillinger started at 10lbs 4.4 oz and after feeding, he was 10lbs 7.2oz. I was shocked and felt so proud! I have been second guessing myself this entire experience, so it felt amazing knowing my body was doing what it was supposed to.

I think I might go to next week's group because it's free, I can monitor Dillinger's progress, and it's good socialization with fellow moms on this parenting journey. On August 17, I am going to the La Leche League's breastfeeding support group located at Grassroots Baby Store with my friend Norah!

Some local breastfeeding resources and supports:
La Leche League International- Fort Wayne http://lllofindiana.org/find-a-group/fort-wayne/
Kelly Mom http://kellymom.com/
Parkview Hospitals (A list of all breastfeeding support services) https://www.parkview.com/en/well-being/Center-for-Healthy-Living/Pages/Support-Services.aspx
Lutheran Hospital http://www.lutheranchildrenshosp.com/breastfeeding-support-group
Dupont Hospital http://www.theduponthospital.com/interior.php?t=388
Women, Infants, and Children Program (WIC) https://secure.in.gov/isdh/19691.htm

If you have any additional tips or resources, let me know!

-Lauren

Cloth Diapers

Good afternoon!

Right now Dave and I are relaxing before we go play disc golf with Dave's parents and then have dinner. Okay, they're playing and I'm going to be tending to Dillinger since my wrists still pop out of place at times from what I'm sure is relaxin-induced carpal tunnel. It's not as bad as when I was pregnant, but sometimes I literally cannot pick up my baby without having to pop my wrists back into place lol!

One of my parenting goals has always been to cloth diaper. My good friend and fellow mama, Amanda, cloth diapered her daughter and it truly inspired me. The diaper patterns were adorable and the environmentally friendly aspect attracted me. Many friends and family members applaud me for even wanting to try cloth, as there is extra work that goes into it. However, it's not that much more difficult once a good wash routine is in place.

What I like about cloth diapering:

1. The cleaning aspect of them is fairly simple for me so far. Some people may struggle at first to find a good cleaning routine, especially if they have to adjust their wash to their hard or soft water issues. You can always call Stephanie at Grassroots Baby Store or her employees for any questions related to cloth diapering, as they cloth diapered and teach courses on cloth diapering at the store. I went to one of these FREE courses and it made me less anxious. https://www.grassrootsbabystore.com/

If you're exclusively breastfeeding, you don't even have to scrape or wash the poo into the toilet as it is water-soluble. Just toss it into the washer (trust me, this will not ruin your machine or cause your future loads to be dirty) on a hot pre-wash with detergent and then do a final warm or hot wash with detergent. You can wash your cloth with your normal clothes as well, which is what I have been doing. I have not noticed any foul odors or ill effects because of this. If you notice odors, something is wrong. I use Seventh Generation's unscented detergent, but many moms use Tide it seems. If you use a vegetable-based, natural detergent, you may have to use more detergent than what is called for in regards to normal laundry to thoroughly clean your diapers. If you're not exclusively breastfeeding and are formula feeding or have introduced solids, you have to scrape as much of the poo off as you can before you toss it into the wash. You can use a diaper sprayer or some parents have used a designated spatula to do this. In general, you don't want to let your soiled diapers sit for more than 2 days. I toss mine into a Thirsties brand reusable diaper pail liner that is inside of a medium trash can and once it's time to wash, you can throw the liner in as well.

You can dry your diapers in the dryer or hang dry them. If the poo has left stains, you can sun them on a clothes line. Many people talk about bleaching and soaking their diapers overnight, but this can damage your diapers if you do this often. You really should only bleach your diapers if your baby has had a yeast infection or if you buy diapers from strangers, as you don't know what their babies may have had.

2.  The cost factor. In total, I have over 50 cloth diapers, dozens of inserts, and a few wet bags that I was gifted or I purchased from Fort Wayne garage sale sites,  Grassroots Baby Store, Wish.com, and Picklefroggies, a private  seller on Etsy.com. There are many brands, so I would not buy all one brand for your stash before your loved one gets here, as some people do like a certain brands more than others. I have various brands, some of which I don't even know what they are! I spent around $300 for my diapers total, thanks to buying used and the wonderful gifts from Amanda and my doula, Ashley. Grassroots Baby Store has a cloth diaper re-sale frequently, so you can buy used from there as well if you don't like the idea of traveling the city buying diapers like I did. Buying new cloth diapers may seem intimidating. I mean, $25 for one diaper?! But remember, you can use that $25 diaper for multiple years and multiple children if they are cared for properly. Many moms that I met through buying diapers on Facebook garage sale sites say that they've spent over $1,000.00 on cloth diapers because they become addicted to buying every color and pattern. So sometimes it's only as cost-effective as you make it.

Just from when Dillinger was born until today (not even 1 whole month), we have purchased 5 packages of diapers and it has cost us around $113.00 for newborn disposables. That is horrifying to me and I will definitely be buying newborn cloth diapers for our next baby. 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/picklefroggies
https://www.wish.com/

3. The fact that cloth diapers do not have harsh chemicals in them.

4. Cloth diapers are environmentally friendly and do not end up in our landfill.

5. Babies with cloth diapers are sometimes more easily potty trained, from what other mothers have told me.

6. Babies who are cloth diapered usually get diaper rashes less frequently. Note: If a cloth diapered baby does get diaper rash, you must use diaper rash creams that are cloth diaper friendly. You can Google search this. Some creams may cause a barrier to the cloth and cause leaks.

7. Cloth diapers are cute! Yes, Honest Company diapers are beautifully designed, but no one has time for $13.99 for a package my son will piss through in 2 days. You can purchase custom-made cloth diapers, cloth diapers that match pretty much any theme that you desire, and cloth diapers that come in any color of the rainbow.

8. Depending on the condition of your cloth diapers, you can re-sell them, which you definitely cannot do with disposables.

9. Cloth diapers can be as simple or as complex as you want them to be. There are many types of cloth diapers such as covers and flats, which could be used with old-fashioned safety pins or modern Snappis and Boingos, or all-in-one's which are used just like disposables.

10. Cloth diapered babies are said to have fewer "blowouts."

So far cloth diapering has been slow going since Dillinger's thighs are so skinny. We've had him in cloth 5 times now. After we use up this last package of disposables in a few days, we're just making the leap to completely cloth because I can't stand the thought of spending more money on eventual trash when I have perfectly good diapers in his nursery. I can't wait to continue on this journey!

Dill in a Diaper Rite pocket diaper

Best,

Lauren

Another Year Has Passed

Hello there!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am now 25 years of age. I am excited about aging another year and I am immensely thankful for the past year. and all that it has taught me.

In the past year: Dave and I spent our honeymoon in Portland, Oregon, I celebrated 3 years of dating and 1 year of marriage to my amazing partner in crime,  became pregnant with and had Dillinger, celebrated 2 years at my job, gained another niece (Juniper Lynn), and simply made tons of memories with friends and family.

I don't really have any plans for my birthday and I honestly haven't even thought much about it. I may try to grab a coffee or go walk around Target since Dillinger has literally just wanted to be on the breast 24/7 it seems, even when he's sleeping. I don't mind it though because I know he needs me and for the next 8.5 weeks, that's all I need to do is meet his needs.

In completion of this post, I just want to make a bucket list of 25 things that I want to accomplish by my next birthday...

1. Go to Indianapolis to visit family and friends and to go to Trader Joe's
2. Successfully breastfeed/pump for at least 6 months
3. Successfully breastfeed/pump for 1 year
4. Successfully cloth diaper for 1 year
5. Try as many new beers as I can to make up for lost time while pregnant ;) (Yes, you can drink alcohol and breastfeed as long as you do not feel the effects of the alcohol. Note moms: If you DO feel the effects, DO NOT pump and dump. Save that milk for a milk bath, which is great for baby's skin). http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/
6. Go camping (maybe Hocking Hills Ohio, as I've never been and it's breathtaking)
7. Exercise more as a family i.e. going on walks and playing disc golf
8. Fix up the house
9. Rid my house and life of even more unnecessary clutter and belongings.
10. Potentially get a second dachshund around Dillinger's 1st birthday. This is a huge IF though, because taking care of 1 cat and 1 dachshund right now is enough.
11. Blog more
12. Continue growing as a professional social worker by attending lunch and learns and trainings
13. Take advantage of our back porches more i.e. drink morning coffee, get-togethers with friends and family, and decorating them to make them more cozy.
14. Visit Jenna and Jake in Chicago
15. Make a shadow box for Dillinger with his hospital items and other memorabilia
16. Go to the drive-in movie theatre in Huntington more often
17. Read more personally and read to Dillinger daily
18. Take advantage of the library, as I have not been to the library outside of work in many years
19. Continue supporting local instead of large chains. Sometimes I think "Oh, I want Starbucks!" and then I take a step back and remember Firefly, Old Crown, Conjure, Fortezza, etc. and I pick one of them. It's so easy to go to those big names and forget about the shoppes that need our consistent love and support!
20. Meal plan and stick to a grocery list better (That's how you know I'm going to be 25 years old lmao).
21. Attend the local farmer's markets for produce and meats, when feasible
22. Try to survive the first year of working full time and being a mom without having a total meltdown. I am dreading that first day back, ya'll.
23. Continue making DIY toiletries and cleaning products, when possible. I've been slacking.  (If you want a list of products, let me know in a DM with your email address).
24. Get a tattoo for Dillinger
25. Do yoga more often to better my mental and physical health

Cheers,

Lauren

Parenthood

Hello all! It's been many, many moons since I have created a blog post. A few people have suggested that I write about my experiences, so I figured I would give it a go.

Many of you may have seen the jist of my birth story on social media, but if you haven't, here it is...

On 07/05/2017 I began having contractions at 2:00AM, which lasted until 2:00AM on 07/06/2017. They began coming 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute, and this happened for over 1 hour. That was my sign to go to the hospital. I felt terrible calling my doula, Ashley, so early in the morning to let her know!

Dave and I arrived at the hospital at 3:30AM and the hospital seemed quite slow. I was put into triage, where a nurse checked my cervix. I was 4cm, so they kept me. I chose to wear my own clothing- a black skirt and black nursing bra from Target. We lucked out and got one of two rooms that has a jacuzzi tub and a "sky light," which was a faux ceiling window with tree decals on it. Our doula, Ashley, arrived soon after. After around an hour of walking the halls of the labor and delivery wing, we went to the room and I labored on a yoga ball for quite some time, which was incredibly effective in progressing my labor and intensifying my contractions. I quickly went to 7, almost 8cm when the nurse checked me next.

I decided to get into the jacuzzi tub because I did not want to waste the perk of having that room. The tub felt nice, but I did not feel as though my contractions were intensifying. After a short while, I got out and returned to my trusty yoga ball.

A few hours later, the nurse came to check me and my cervix was at 9cm and I was completely thinned. My water broke during this exam and the nurse told me she could feel Dillinger's hair. For some reason, that made me so elated that I sobbed for a long while. Just knowing he definitely had hair was amazing! At 9cm, I briefly tried using nitrous oxide for pain management, but I was having difficulty focusing my breath on the mask that came with the gas and it wasn't strong enough to manage the pain, so I quit. I honestly did not think about an epidural once and I am so lucky to not have even thought about nitrous until 9cm. Ashley used some essential oils on my hips, as the pressure was horrible.

 I quickly transitioned to 9.5cm, with a slight "lip", so per Ashley's recommendations, I got onto my side and labored with a peanut ball, which is a peanut-shaped exercise ball. Laboring on the side was intense and helped me transition to 10cm quickly. At 10cm, I began feeling severe pressure that made me feel scared beyond belief. I was sitting on the hospital bed and began to panic. I looked at Dave and told him that I was scared over and over. I told him that I know why people say that they "can't do it" even though I was fully aware that I had to do it! Dave and Ashley were so encouraging and supportive during this terrifying time. The most horrifying fact was that there was no turning back and I did not know what it was going to be like. My mantra during labor was, "Loose jaw, soft cervix," which reminded me to make low, deep moans instead of high-pitched screams. Dave had to remind me of this a few times towards the end, as the pressure was excruciating.

Finally, I started to feel immense pressure in my lower back and felt the urge to bear down and push. I started to panic and exclaimed, "He's going to come out of me!" A nurse came in to check me and she said I was at 10cm. It was time for me to push. I did not want to deliver Dillinger on my back because I wanted gravity to be my friend in hopefully preventing a perineal tear. However, at that point I do not think that I could have repositioned myself even if I wanted to. The nurse was very patient and said she would help me if I wanted to change positions, but Dave told me that Dillinger was so close and that I should deliver on my back. Pushing was horrifying and painful beyond belief. Yes...you do go to the restroom while pushing, but I honestly had no shame or weird feelings about it. A 7.5lb baby was pushing on my bowels, yo! It was a total surrendering moment, as my body was pushing without me trying at some points. Dave said he could see my stomach contact and push down on the baby. After a few minutes, maybe 10-15 minutes, Dillinger was here!

After Dillinger was born I asked, "Did my perineum tear?!" in an exhausted haze. The midwife said that she did not know yet. They found that I had an internal abrasion and a clot from my placenta was still inside of me. The midwife had to put her hand inside of me and use her other hand on the outside of my stomach to losen the clot and get it out. That was probably more painful than the birth and I was screaming during this process. I needed internal stitches, but I could barely feel the shot she used to numb the area. Luckily, I did not suffer any perineal tearing, but no one tells you how absolutely swollen your vaginal area becomes after pushing out a baby! They tell you no tampons/sex/douches/etc. for 6 weeks post-partum, but for the first week I don't even think anything could be inserted anyhow lmao!

After Dillinger was born, they let the umbilical cord stop pulsating before clamping the cord. I made sure to ask the midwife to let it stop pulsating and she jokingly said, "As long as it's before he enters Kindergarten." Dave was able to cut the cord, which was so special. They put him on my chest and his tiny little head started rooting to begin feeding. It was difficult at first, but he did eventually latch. Dillinger weighed 7.5lbs and was 21 and 1/4 inches long. He was born at 1:09PM on 07/06/2017.

The nurse asked me to make sure I tried to pee before 3:00PM. I did not feel the urge to pee, but right around 3:00PM, I said that I wanted to try. Ashley helped me up and to the bathroom. Ashley called the nurse asking her to come help me with toileting. While on the toilet I began to feel dizzy, my ears began ringing, and my vision went black. The nurse arrived minutes later and asked if I was going to pass out. I said that I thought I was, so she pulled the emergency cord and nurses rushed in. They gave me ammonia to smell to help me perk back up and got me back into bed. Dave said that he became nervous, as I bled out a lot when the midwife was addressing the clot in my uterus, and he didn't want to lose me. I didn't get into my post-partum room until after 4:00PM.

Overall, my labor was exactly what I had hoped for and I am so amazed at how fast and smoothly it went. I attribute part of it to raspberry leaf tea and date fruit, as I was consuming tons of them to help tone my cervix. I also attribute my positive mental attitude to my amazing support team of Dave and Ashley, who helped me every step of the way. Labor made me love Dave in a whole new way...and I will forever appreciate him for all he did before, during, and after labor.

Other musings about post-partum life...

Your breastmilk may come in quickly and you may mistake engorgement for utter failure at breastfeeding. Luckily the lactation consultants were helpful! I asked for the lactation consultant every shift, so take advantage of that in-hospital assistance! After birth, go to breastfeeding support groups if you are continuing to struggle! I plan on going to a La Leche League group next month just to get more information.

Your baby may drink amniotic fluid before being born, which may lead to them spitting up clear fluids by the gallon, it seems. This will freak you out and you will not sleep the first night for fear that your baby will aspirate and die in their bassinet. The nurse just told us to slightly prop him on his side and use an aspirator to remove any liquid, which did not ease my worried mind.

You will literally not sleep. It's been nearly 3 weeks and I don't know how I'm alive.

Your hormones will probably go 0 to 100 realllll quick. I have never cried so much and so often in my life. Every thought about Dillinger and Dave, good or bad, made me bawl like a baby. And the thought of Dave going back to work was heart-wrenching.

You will probably still cry a ton after your hormones calm down because you have no idea what you're doing, to be honest.

Meal prep, make padsicles, clean your house thoroughly before you go into labor, save your pennies, and literally make plans to not have plans the first month of your baby's life.

If you're breastfeeding, you are to feed "on demand." You will probably be feeding every 2 hours and feeds can last 30+ minutes at times, so you will literally be your baby's sidekick, which has been so beautiful...but time-consuming. Dillinger is almost 3 weeks old and he (just last night after fighting sleep for what seemed like forever) started feeding every 3 hours on his own. On the flip-side, there have been a few hours today where he did not want off of my breast and when he awoke from falling asleep on the breast, all he wanted to do was return to the breast. Just listen to your babe for the first few weeks if you can!

My world

XOXO,
Lauren