Scout's Motto: Be Prepared

Hey there!

This weekend we went camping at Salamonie Lake as a family! It started out as tent camping, but my father in-law got an RV from his co-worker, which worked out well for camping with 2 and 3 month-old babies. We were so excited to go camping with Dillinger and Juniper for the first time!

This camping trip was slow and peaceful. We did a little bit of hiking and geocaching, but not too much since we had babies with us and it was a little slow going in the morning and between hiking sessions with breastfeeding sessions.

In general, I think that we were prepared enough for our family camping trip. Having the RV helped us not have to dress Dillinger as warmly as we would have if we had tent camped, as the temperatures dropped pretty low on Friday and Saturday. Even in the RV we were a bit chilly and had to cuddle and turn on the furnace.

Here is a list of must-haves for camping with a 2 month-old baby...

1. A white noise machine/a white noise app. We have a portable Bose speaker and Dave played white noise via his cell phone through the Bose all night, which always helps Dillinger sleep soundly. We also brought his Baby B whale that has various white noise options and alternating lights.

2. A baby carrier. Babywearing is a must when hiking with infants. Between my sister in-law and me, we had four carriers/wraps to choose from.

Dave carrying Dill in a Snugli carrier that he borrowed from my sister in-law, which was awesome because Dave isn't a fan of the Tula.

Me carrying Dill in a standard Tula with the infant insert

3. A baby hat...or three. We brought a bonnet, which is lightweight and covers the ears for hiking to prevent as much sunlight as possible from reaching his head. We also packed 2 caps of varying thickness for protecting against the cold.

4. Blankets of varying thicknesses and weights. We only brought two Tula blankets, which are semi-thick bamboo viscose blankets. Our sister in-law graciously shared her fleece blankets with us when it was very cold outside.

Grandpa carrying Dill in his Tula "Oso" blanket

5. A portable, electric breast pump or silicone Haakaa pump, along with storage bottles if you breastfeed. Seriously. I pumped 5.5 ounces just for some relief from engorgement and would have died without these items. I brought both, but only used my Haakaa.

6. A humidifier if you have access to a camper or RV and saline drops/aspirator/chest rub. The weather was dry, so poor Dill was miserable with a stuffy nose. We used the Nose Frida Snot Sucker, the Oogie Boogie, Little Remedies Saline Drops, and Zarbee's chest rub.

7. A stroller. Walks with these helped calm the babies down when they were fussy.

Asleep in our Uppababy Cruz stroller

8. Fleece pajamas. Dill stayed toasty in his Halo sleep sack.

9. A camera to document those special camping moments.

10. A camping journal so that each trip can be recorded for baby to look back on. We don't have one yet, but Dave wants to find one and we'll record the date, place we camped, who was with us, what we did, etc.

That's my list of items that helped us have an enjoyable camping trip or that we will use in the future for a better camping experience. Let me know if you have any other ideas, as we plan on camping a lot with our babe.

Dillinger in his camping themed diaper from Honest Company

XOXO,
Lauren

Anticipatory Grief and What Not to Say

Good Morning!

I'm sitting here on this Wednesday morning thinking about last night and many nights prior, where I am nursing my babe after he refuses to take the bottle and I start to become anxious about him not being able to nurse on demand as he has been when I go back to work. I start thinking of his furious suckles on his fingers and his desperate mouth movements and me not being able to fulfill his needs. I think about him being introduced the bottle by the sitters and him crying for hours until he falls asleep, not even being fed or satisfied. I know that he may take the bottle immediately from the sitters when I'm at work, but I also know that there are some babies who never take a bottle. I'm completely fine with going to where he is on lunch to feed him. I wouldn't even consider it a burden and I wouldn't be able to NOT do it. But just knowing that he's not being fed the way he has been absolutely kills me.

I then spiral into many other feelings. Feelings of regret of not having a planned child where I could plan to stay at home or have a part-time job or have more money saved. Feelings of jealousy of the people who do get to watch him while I'm gone and all of the mothers and fathers who get to stay home with their children, as hard as it can be at times. I feel heartbreak over the milestones I may miss. I'm feeling anxious about the coworkers and clients who will innocently ask how I'm dong and how the baby is doing and I will start to cry. And I feel anger towards everyone who has tried to or has unknowingly minimalized my pain and feelings. Finally, I have feelings of anger and bitterness towards our government which has poor maternity and paternity leave for its citizens (I'm going to find how to advocate for better maternity and paternity leave in our country ASAP). Twelve weeks has been a blessing, but it is not long enough for mothers to heal physically, for fathers to be able to bond with their babies, especially if they're not bottle fed yet, or for children and mothers to have a regulated breastfed relationship. So many moms quit breastfeeding early because it is HARD. If the World Health Organization, UNICEF, and the  CDC recommend breastfeeding for up to 1 year, then how does the government expect moms to be successful with poor maternity leave practices?! I don't know how people handle it when they don't get the option to take a leave or who only get the amount approved by FMLA (6 weeks if a vaginal birth, 8 weeks if C-section). I am eternally grateful for being able to take 12 weeks, but it is still not enough, in my opinion.

And yes, the past month I have sounded like a broken record, but at the end of the day, this is not a joke to me. This is not something I take lightly. This is his nutrition, his comfort, his pain relief, and his health. And because I have been anxious about this, so many people have subconsciously minimalized this grief of mine and I want to give advice on what not to say to mothers who are going through this major transition and who are grieving an impending loss of this 24/7 caregiving role.

I carried this baby for 9 months, awaiting his arrival like it was the only thing that mattered. I birthed him and went through the scariest pain I've ever experienced to get him here, blacking out from the effort and blood it took to get him earthside. I've literally been every hour of his life since July 6. This is not going to be easy, which every mother knows. But even as fellow mothers, we don't just LISTEN when someone is hurting about this. There is always unsolicited advice, generic comments, and sarcastic jokes about how other mothers survived. This is not reassuring, to be honest and it feels like nails on the chalkboard of my brain. I'm going to support groups, I have a therapist, I'm talking with loved ones about how I feel, I'm taking care of myself the best I can and this still is not going to be made easier by sayings. I just need people to listen to me and acknowledge that yes, this is going to be incredibly difficult.

So please, when you encounter a mother who is going back to work try to be aware of your words.

Don't tell her she's just being anxious and it will be all right. Yes, we know it will be all right, but we cannot control the anxiety we feel. And I don't think we have to as long as we're able to function in other realms healthily. We are allowed to feel this.

Don't tell her that other moms have done this and they survived. No shit. I'm not saying that I'm better than any other mom and I deserve preferential treatment for my child. This fact STILL does not make this transition any easier.

Don't tell her that she should just enjoy the current moment and not think the future. That's utterly impossible. I feel like until I'm dead I will always think about the future and how it will impact my family. Of course I'm enjoying every second of being with him, but I cannot avoid the future.

Don't tell moms and dads REPEATEDLY that it will get better. Well I would hope so or I think all moms and dads would go berserk.

I just need a sounding board. And it's hard to just listen, I know. But at this point I don't need advice, wise words, or generic phrases. I know everything there is to expect and know about going back to work. I just need people to be there for me and just listen when I can't fathom doing it. People who can say, "I can tell you're hurting and that's understandable."

Thanks,

Lauren

Getting Our Footing on This Parenting Thing

Good Evening!

I hope that your weekend has been good to you and that you're doing things that refresh you for the upcoming week.

This weekend has been incredibly fun so far, and tomorrow seems as though it's going to be eventful as well.

Yesterday I really took time to cuddle and nap with my baby boy. I'm definitely feeling the clock ticking for when I have to go back to work full time and whereas before I wasn't able to nap or I would be online or do chores while he napped, now I'm cuddling him and feeding him until we both fall asleep. I am going to miss those midday cuddles more than I can even explain.

Side lying feedings have truly been a godsend and I understand why so many mamas recommended it to me! I feel way less strain on my back and wrists when I mostly feed on my side throughout the day, so feeding him with the My Brest Friend pillow during our 1-2 feeds at night aren't so bad. If you're new to breastfeeding or you've never tried the side lying position, here's a video on how to do it. Video does show a real baby/breasts, so don't be surprised...it's a breastfeeding video.

Today we went to the Grassroots Baby Store cloth diaper re-sale. It's a quarterly sale for cloth diapers and accessories. My sister in-law, nephew, and niece met me there and we had a great time sorting through the items. I purchased: 2 all-in-one diapers (AIO's) by GroVia and Thirsties, 2 pair of baby leggings, a set containing lanolin, emulsifying tablets, and lanolin-infused wool wash for when I start wool cloth diapering (It was only $10 for the set and I almost had a heart attack from happiness!), a Grassroots Baby decal, a diaper pail liner for our second diaper pail, and 3 GroVia bamboo cotton pre-folds in size infant long, as Dillinger is starting to outgrow his small Imagine pre-folds.

The longer I cloth diaper, the more I realize that I like all types of cloth diapers, but my favorites in order are: AIO's, AI2's/hybrids, pockets, and covers/pre-folds or flats. I do enjoy my Blueberry and Best Bottoms covers for their double gussets, so I'm going to try to use them more frequently.

At Grassroots I saw my friend Tatyanna, who is pregnant with her first babe. I am so excited for her and her husband as they embark on this journey together. I'm so proud of them for cloth diapering! She said she saw my post sharing the Grassroots Baby cloth diapering 101 class and decided to go with her husband who wasn't too sure about cloth, but after the course he agreed to do it. Too awesome!

After the resale, I went to Conjure Coffee and had an iced Americano and an Elvis donut by Hetty Arts Pastry. It was divine, composed of peanut butter and banana filling and crumbled bacon on top. I give it 5 out of 5 stars. Dillinger started to fuss, so we went home until Dave returned from a long day of disc golf.

Once Dave showered and baby was fed, we went to Potbelly Sandwich Shop for dinner. We are obsessed with their hot peppers! We want Pint n' Slice to put some of those peppers on a pizza one day haha. Dillinger fed at Potbelly until he fell asleep, but once he was in that car seat he was awake and upset. He truly hates his car seat even though the car seat toys do help some.

Following dinner we went to Target to return the NUK Simply Natural bottle I purchased yesterday because I picked out the wrong flow on accident. We're trying these bottles that are shaped more like a nipple and have multiple holes to mimic breastfeeding because Dillinger has been rejecting the bottle the past few days. He took the bottle 3 days in a row and then refused it at least 5 times. I'm starting to feel intense anxiety related to being his sole source of food right now, especially a month out from having to return to work. I also feel anxiety related to being his main source of comfort and bonding. I want so badly for others to be able to bond by feeding him and I want him to feel comfortable cuddling with his daddy and become more familiar with his family members. I know that he's young and this will eventually happen, but it feels like a lot of pressure being his entire ecosystem right now.

At Target we also found gifts for baby Evelyn who is turning 1 year old next month and my father in-law who had his birthday this past week. Going through the girls section always makes us want a girl so badly. Dave and I always end up picking up at least one article of clothing for Dillinger whenever we go to a big box store, so if we have twin girls next as everyone predicts, we'll be in double trouble.

After our trip to the store, we came home and gave Dill a bath with Honest Company 'dreamy lavender' shampoo and body wash because he was so upset despite feeding at Target as well. I think he's growing and he has a "goopy eye," which has to be irritating to an extent, so he's been comfort feeding. I've been treating his eye with breastmilk and warm compresses. After his bath we let him air out on the bed with a towel under him and over his bottom. He's definitely not my little babe any more! I then rubbed 'dreamy lavender' lotion on him, put on a fresh diaper, and put on a baby nightgown. I fed him until he fell asleep and then we took him on a walk in the fresh air. He's still asleep, so I think we did good. It feels like we finally know what to do for him whenever he's upset in most cases, which makes me happy for him because I hate when he's upset!

L: Dillinger at nearly 2 months (12lbs 10oz as of 08/22)

R: Dillinger the day he was born (7lbs 5oz)

Tomorrow we're going to the Mizpah Shrine Fly-In breakfast at the Fort Wayne International Airport with my family. You can learn more about the event here. After that we'll be having lunch with Dave's side of the family, so we are excited to see everyone and eat delicious foods.

What are you all doing this weekend?

XOXO

Lauren

Teamwork

Hey there!

Happy Hump Day, everyone! I hope your day has been as great as mine has been. I got some new cloth diapers and wet bags from Grassroots Baby Store, http://bestbottomdiapers.com, and http://www.diaperjunction.com/, drank delicious coffee from Old Crown, then took babe on a walk around the neighborhood. I love supporting local businesses!

In addition to having fun with my babe, I've learned about wool cloth diapering from this blog: http://themindfulhome.blogspot.com/2013/08/cloth-diapering-with-wool-everything.html. I would go into detail, but honestly this blogger does such a great job going into it! Check it out if you want to learn more. I think that this weekend a friend and I are going to go on the hunt for wool items at thrift stores to make our own woolen cloth diapers if possible.

Today I'm also thinking about how Dave and I will be married for two years this upcoming Tuesday. How is this real life?! I feel like we just got married yesterday!

So far for our anniversary we are thinking about going to Brava's for dinner since Bo catered our wedding  and people like to say that was their favorite part of our wedding...thanks, ya'll haha.

For Dave's gift, I purchased a backpack-style Eddie Bauer diaper bag from Target and it honestly feels like I gifted myself as well because it is amazing having my hands free of diaper bag when I'm lugging around a car seat. It also has stroller straps, which now lets us have all of the basket space under the stroller free from diaper bag items.

I'm unsure if Dave has gotten me a material gift yet and I don't expect one, but he has already given me the best gift I've ever been given - my baby Dill.

I had to

Dave has seriously been my rock through pregnancy and parenthood thus far. Before Dillinger was born, he probably could have shaken me to death multiple times between me not wanting to eat Mexican food EVER, my emotional breakdowns that led to me crying on the floor, and ordering food then not wanting it the second it came to the table because it didn't sound edible any more.

He probably wants to shush me every time the hormones take over and I bawl like a baby because sometimes I'm just so exhausted, overwhelmed, and hormonal and every single milestone and difficulty feels so BIG. But he just reassures me and helps me every step of the way. He walked parks, our neighborhood, a nature preserve, the mall, and the hospital halls with me to get this baby out. He was there for every contraction and reminded me to stay calm when I was in the worst pain of my life (pushing all-natural was terrifying as hell.) He cut the cord and swaddled our babe while I was being taken care of after birth. He drove home twice a day while I was in the hospital to take care of the pets and bring me extra clothes.

Since the birth he has brought home dinner more times than I can count, handed me everything I need when I'm glued to the couch or bed breastfeeding, has ordered me breast shells and batteries for the baby's white noise machine without asking, has taken turns with me rocking our screaming baby to sleep, and he has been so amazingly fun to tag team parenting with wherever we go.

Teamwork is the most important part of rearing a child. It's not always easy or pretty, especially when you aren't sure what your baby needs in the beginning. It's sometimes scary and messy (milk, pee, poop, spit up everywhere). But every day you get through it and by the next morning you are so excited to do it all over again.

Teamwork is what has gotten us through the last four years and 1 month of being together.

Teamwork has gotten us through nearly 2 years of marriage.

Teamwork is what will get us through all of the hard and/or beautiful times to come.

Love you, Dave

XOXO,

Lauren

Crying Over Milk

Hello ya'll!

The past few days have been raw, emotional, difficult parenting. Dill turns 7 weeks old on Thursday and this is definitely the hardest week ever.

I've been struggling with oversupply issues since Friday that cause my letdown to spray fast, which causes him to choke and cry when I feed him on my left side. This has also led to a slight foremilk/hindmilk imbalance a little bit because he's had increased green stools, fussiness, spit up, etc. I've tried feeding him in saddle and laid back positions, but his neck is pretty flimsy still and he freaks out when he's in those positions. Side-lying position usually does the trick, but sometimes even that is not enough for him to eat without choking. I've tried hand expressing into a burp rag, but it isn't enough. I've emailed La Leche League and they've told me to do the things listed above, so I know I'm onto the right track, but let me tell you that watching your baby cry, choke, spit up, and fight eating is heartbreaking and it makes you feel like a failure. My only job right now is to keep my baby alive and when that feels difficult to do, it makes you want to crawl into a hole and pull your hair out. The hormones that go along with breastfeeding and the bond between you and your baby make you feel so emotional when the slightest hiccup occurs. I never really knew that this bond would be so painful and beautiful at the same time.

Today I texted my friend Norah who has successfully breastfed her baby for over a year and she helped me calm down. My mom also was a huge support today when she came to visit for the afternoon. I expressed about an ounce off of each side before Dill's last feeding with my Haakaa and put that into a bottle. Dave got the baby up once he woke up and fed him the 2 ounces from the bottle and then I fed Dill on both sides. I was so elated I cried out of happiness. After his feeds he went to sleep and has been asleep for nearly 2 hours. I have been so anxious about the bottle because we haven't introduced it in 4 days. Thankfully, he's eaten 2 ounces from a bottle twice now and has sipped from a bottle a third time. We just need to keep it up and he'll be drinking from a bottle without hesitation in no time.

Tomorrow I'm going to Dupont's breastfeeding support group to see if they have any other suggestions and to have him weighed. I hope baby is at least 12lbs now! Missing last Tuesday's support group was a bummer because I love seeing his growth progress. The La Leche League's support group on Thursday was very nice and informative, but they do not do weight checks.

Overall, I know my baby is healthy because of his diapers and weight gain. I know that we'll overcome this bump in the road. Luckily, we don't have to go it alone thanks to friends and family who have been there for me through all of the texts, crying, and questions.

If you're struggling with any aspect of breastfeeding, don't hesitate to reach out to a support group, friend, family member, etc.

Love,
Lauren

A Bottle of the House White

Howdy!

As most of you may know, I am exclusively breastfeeding my little babe, which has been an amazing experience for us thus far. I completely love the bonding and feeling so needed to help him grow and thrive. In order to help prepare for when I go back to work, however, we must introduce Dill to the bottle.

We waited until Dill was over 5 weeks old to introduce the bottle to prevent "nipple confusion." Not everyone can do this if they have 6 weeks or less of maternity leave, but I just personally wanted to in order to be safe. Dill has never taken to pacifiers, so I was incredibly nervous that he would outright refuse a bottle at first.  

On Sunday, I expressed 3 ounces of milk and put it in the fridge for when Dave was going to introduce the bottle to Dillinger. Dave was going to introduce the bottle, as babies will sometimes refuse the bottle from their mothers, as they know mom has the real thing.  I fed Dill and then Dave warmed the bottle when the time came and Dillinger sucked a little bit, but ultimately refused the bottle. Our goal was to introduce the bottle at least once per day until I went back to work, so we were not too worried. We saved the leftover milk for his bath time since we could not use it for later. On Sunday we did the same thing, but I only expressed one ounce, as to not waste so much milk. Dill drank a little bit, but again, refused from Dave. I tried to give him the bottle and Dill drank most of it, but could not seem to get the last bit out of the nipple. It felt so heartbreaking watching him drink from the bottle that I bawled the entire time he was feeding. Yes, bottles mean freedom for the mother and the ability to allow others to bond and feed with baby, but all I could think of was that he doesn't need just me to survive any longer and he's getting too damn big too damn fast. I know that in the future I will be thankful for bottles so that I can run errands or go out with friends without having to bring the baby, but right now, it's too sad to think about.

Today, we introduced the bottle and he drank 2 ounces between pauses! We started with the Como Tomo silicone bottle, which he does well with, but the nipple is long and he cannot get the last of the milk out. I like the feeling and thinness of this nipple, however. He had less than an ounce left at the end of the bottle, so I put it in the Philips Avent glass bottle that we have. He drank from it, but did not love it. I think that rubber nipple was too fake and thick feeling for him. Finally, after a pause, I put the milk in our Born Free Breeze glass bottle, as it has a shorter, thinner nipple. He drank the rest of the milk, no problem! I am so proud today instead of just sad. He's just amazing and I couldn't be happier to be his mommy.

Philips Avent glass 4oz bottle

We're jut going to continue giving the bottle once per day until he's not showing uncertainty about it and then we may be able to go on a date night and trust that he'll be able to eat appropriately.

Como Tomo silicone 5oz bottle

I am following paced bottle feeding tips, as found on Kellymom.com. I love that website! http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ 

There is even a PDF that you can print off for babysitters/caregivers to learn paced bottle feeding to ensure the breastfeeding relationship is still strong despite the bottle feedings that baby is receiving each day.

Born Free Breeze 5 oz bottle

More to come,

Lauren

Friendship

Good Evening!

Today I'm feeling grateful for the amazing friendships in my life. I'm not mentioning family because family is even more special and that doesn't truly change with kids, it just gets better. They say that having kids changes everything in your social life, but one thing that has not been impacted thus far is the strong bond I have with my friends.

Since Dill has been born I've had friends visit the hospital, I've received thoughtful text messages/Instagram messages/Facebook messages, I've had much-needed home visits and coffee deliveries that kept me from feeling stir-crazy, we traveled to Indy and spent the night with my best friend, I've met up for coffee and meals with multiple people, and I've strolled around Shoaff Park with a few friends and their babes. Friends have even dropped off boxes and totes of free baby clothes and goods...they are still making sure we have what we need, which is much-appreciated!

I am still continuing to make plans while on my leave and I am so appreciative of those friends who have decided to stay close despite my new sidekick. I never really doubted any of you.

Dill will be able to grow up around amazing adults and their babies and their future babies, which means the world to me.

Don't let being a parent change your social life. Kids are portable and true friends will wait for you in a sitting area while you breastfeed between stores, will stand and talk with you in the handicap stall as you change a poopy diaper, and will not blink an eye if your kid is having a meltdown in a Women's Fair Trade store.

Thank you to all of you who prove time and time again what true friendship looks like.

Just a Few Examples of Lovely Friends

Love,

Lauren