Scout's Motto: Be Prepared

Hey there!

This weekend we went camping at Salamonie Lake as a family! It started out as tent camping, but my father in-law got an RV from his co-worker, which worked out well for camping with 2 and 3 month-old babies. We were so excited to go camping with Dillinger and Juniper for the first time!

This camping trip was slow and peaceful. We did a little bit of hiking and geocaching, but not too much since we had babies with us and it was a little slow going in the morning and between hiking sessions with breastfeeding sessions.

In general, I think that we were prepared enough for our family camping trip. Having the RV helped us not have to dress Dillinger as warmly as we would have if we had tent camped, as the temperatures dropped pretty low on Friday and Saturday. Even in the RV we were a bit chilly and had to cuddle and turn on the furnace.

Here is a list of must-haves for camping with a 2 month-old baby...

1. A white noise machine/a white noise app. We have a portable Bose speaker and Dave played white noise via his cell phone through the Bose all night, which always helps Dillinger sleep soundly. We also brought his Baby B whale that has various white noise options and alternating lights.

2. A baby carrier. Babywearing is a must when hiking with infants. Between my sister in-law and me, we had four carriers/wraps to choose from.

Dave carrying Dill in a Snugli carrier that he borrowed from my sister in-law, which was awesome because Dave isn't a fan of the Tula.

Me carrying Dill in a standard Tula with the infant insert

3. A baby hat...or three. We brought a bonnet, which is lightweight and covers the ears for hiking to prevent as much sunlight as possible from reaching his head. We also packed 2 caps of varying thickness for protecting against the cold.

4. Blankets of varying thicknesses and weights. We only brought two Tula blankets, which are semi-thick bamboo viscose blankets. Our sister in-law graciously shared her fleece blankets with us when it was very cold outside.

Grandpa carrying Dill in his Tula "Oso" blanket

5. A portable, electric breast pump or silicone Haakaa pump, along with storage bottles if you breastfeed. Seriously. I pumped 5.5 ounces just for some relief from engorgement and would have died without these items. I brought both, but only used my Haakaa.

6. A humidifier if you have access to a camper or RV and saline drops/aspirator/chest rub. The weather was dry, so poor Dill was miserable with a stuffy nose. We used the Nose Frida Snot Sucker, the Oogie Boogie, Little Remedies Saline Drops, and Zarbee's chest rub.

7. A stroller. Walks with these helped calm the babies down when they were fussy.

Asleep in our Uppababy Cruz stroller

8. Fleece pajamas. Dill stayed toasty in his Halo sleep sack.

9. A camera to document those special camping moments.

10. A camping journal so that each trip can be recorded for baby to look back on. We don't have one yet, but Dave wants to find one and we'll record the date, place we camped, who was with us, what we did, etc.

That's my list of items that helped us have an enjoyable camping trip or that we will use in the future for a better camping experience. Let me know if you have any other ideas, as we plan on camping a lot with our babe.

Dillinger in his camping themed diaper from Honest Company

XOXO,
Lauren

Anticipatory Grief and What Not to Say

Good Morning!

I'm sitting here on this Wednesday morning thinking about last night and many nights prior, where I am nursing my babe after he refuses to take the bottle and I start to become anxious about him not being able to nurse on demand as he has been when I go back to work. I start thinking of his furious suckles on his fingers and his desperate mouth movements and me not being able to fulfill his needs. I think about him being introduced the bottle by the sitters and him crying for hours until he falls asleep, not even being fed or satisfied. I know that he may take the bottle immediately from the sitters when I'm at work, but I also know that there are some babies who never take a bottle. I'm completely fine with going to where he is on lunch to feed him. I wouldn't even consider it a burden and I wouldn't be able to NOT do it. But just knowing that he's not being fed the way he has been absolutely kills me.

I then spiral into many other feelings. Feelings of regret of not having a planned child where I could plan to stay at home or have a part-time job or have more money saved. Feelings of jealousy of the people who do get to watch him while I'm gone and all of the mothers and fathers who get to stay home with their children, as hard as it can be at times. I feel heartbreak over the milestones I may miss. I'm feeling anxious about the coworkers and clients who will innocently ask how I'm dong and how the baby is doing and I will start to cry. And I feel anger towards everyone who has tried to or has unknowingly minimalized my pain and feelings. Finally, I have feelings of anger and bitterness towards our government which has poor maternity and paternity leave for its citizens (I'm going to find how to advocate for better maternity and paternity leave in our country ASAP). Twelve weeks has been a blessing, but it is not long enough for mothers to heal physically, for fathers to be able to bond with their babies, especially if they're not bottle fed yet, or for children and mothers to have a regulated breastfed relationship. So many moms quit breastfeeding early because it is HARD. If the World Health Organization, UNICEF, and the  CDC recommend breastfeeding for up to 1 year, then how does the government expect moms to be successful with poor maternity leave practices?! I don't know how people handle it when they don't get the option to take a leave or who only get the amount approved by FMLA (6 weeks if a vaginal birth, 8 weeks if C-section). I am eternally grateful for being able to take 12 weeks, but it is still not enough, in my opinion.

And yes, the past month I have sounded like a broken record, but at the end of the day, this is not a joke to me. This is not something I take lightly. This is his nutrition, his comfort, his pain relief, and his health. And because I have been anxious about this, so many people have subconsciously minimalized this grief of mine and I want to give advice on what not to say to mothers who are going through this major transition and who are grieving an impending loss of this 24/7 caregiving role.

I carried this baby for 9 months, awaiting his arrival like it was the only thing that mattered. I birthed him and went through the scariest pain I've ever experienced to get him here, blacking out from the effort and blood it took to get him earthside. I've literally been every hour of his life since July 6. This is not going to be easy, which every mother knows. But even as fellow mothers, we don't just LISTEN when someone is hurting about this. There is always unsolicited advice, generic comments, and sarcastic jokes about how other mothers survived. This is not reassuring, to be honest and it feels like nails on the chalkboard of my brain. I'm going to support groups, I have a therapist, I'm talking with loved ones about how I feel, I'm taking care of myself the best I can and this still is not going to be made easier by sayings. I just need people to listen to me and acknowledge that yes, this is going to be incredibly difficult.

So please, when you encounter a mother who is going back to work try to be aware of your words.

Don't tell her she's just being anxious and it will be all right. Yes, we know it will be all right, but we cannot control the anxiety we feel. And I don't think we have to as long as we're able to function in other realms healthily. We are allowed to feel this.

Don't tell her that other moms have done this and they survived. No shit. I'm not saying that I'm better than any other mom and I deserve preferential treatment for my child. This fact STILL does not make this transition any easier.

Don't tell her that she should just enjoy the current moment and not think the future. That's utterly impossible. I feel like until I'm dead I will always think about the future and how it will impact my family. Of course I'm enjoying every second of being with him, but I cannot avoid the future.

Don't tell moms and dads REPEATEDLY that it will get better. Well I would hope so or I think all moms and dads would go berserk.

I just need a sounding board. And it's hard to just listen, I know. But at this point I don't need advice, wise words, or generic phrases. I know everything there is to expect and know about going back to work. I just need people to be there for me and just listen when I can't fathom doing it. People who can say, "I can tell you're hurting and that's understandable."

Thanks,

Lauren